I Hate This Post

I don’t want to write this post.

But I know myself well enough to know that if I keep it inside my head nothing will happen.  I need to “speak” things into reality.  Once I’ve done that I have to live with it.

So here goes.

I am 30-40 pounds over weight.  Now there are plenty of 50+ year old guys who will nod their head and say “Yeah, so?”.  In my case there are a couple of  “so whats” that I can’t ignore.

First – this is unhealthy for me.  At this weight I begin the slide into pre-diabetes and maybe full blown diabetes after that.  What other parts of my health may follow along are pretty obvious and I simply don’t want to go there.  I’ve been to the edge of that cliff once already.  Not ready to go back.

Second – I hate this version of me.  Hate it.  I’m tired, I feel old, my body aches, I can’t sing as well as I know I can, I get winded walking up hills.  It sucks.  I don’t look at myself in the mirror.  I shave in the shower so I don’t have to look at myself.    Yes, some of that is vanity.  I was a leading man actor back in the day.  I have an ego and some of that is tied to how I look.

JP Summer09Don’t get me wrong.  I was never a male model look alike.  But as this photo from 2009 shows I was a happy, slim version.  This was still about 10 pound above where my doctor thought I should be.  I’d be happy with this.  At this weight my blood tests were all normal to good.

So here’s the deal.  This morning I weighed in.  And I’m putting it here to make it real.

Todays Weight – 205

(1/28/13)

Goal Weight 175

My weight in that photo.

Exercise.  Better eating.  Weekly weigh ins.  Time to get serious.

Now it’s real.

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3 thoughts on “I Hate This Post

  1. You can do it Jay! Take small steps and try not to get real down on your setbacks, accept they will happen. Like today I ate most of Ben & Jerry’s pint because dinner sucked at the dinning hall (and I am a dietetics major!). It happens and make the next day great, because nothing is better than feeling good about yourself!

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