The hardest part of being unemployed from a job you loved is that it keeps going on without youl
For 13+ years I had a job I really loved. There were days when I didn’t love it unreservadly and the (very) occasional person that was not my idea of good time. But I always told people that it was the best job I’d ever had. That was 100% true. I enjoyed the work. I was challenged by it. One of my other lines was that I’d done work of value for many years. Now I got to do work of importance.
That’s gone now. The work goes on but with someone else doing it. My job was mostly about relationship. Virtually all those relationships have to be put on some kind of hold, especially those with the young people. It’s for my own good, it’s for thier own good and it’s for the good of the program moving forward. I understand that and believe it.
It doesn’t make it any easier. Part of me wonders/worries if I’m being made the scapegoat as the new process moves forward. Let me be clear, I have no reason to believe that any such thing is happening. This is strictly an emotional response without basis. If I’m being honest I have to admit it’s there.
I also miss the challenge of making those changes, of creating that new vision. It’s something that I believed was needed and thought I’d be given the chance to help create. That’s not the way it worked out and I understand the logic of the decision. A clean slate needs to be exactly that. But I gave my heart and soul to that work and you don’t just walk away without a backward look. At least I don’t.
So there’s a part of me that is very sad. I combat that with my various projects, writing, guitar, exercise, cooking/baking, and playing with some wood carving. I read, I watch movies, I search for job opportunities. When I can I get out and spend time with other people. Most days that keeps the sadness away. I keep the people I worked with in my thoughts and prayers. I pray that the process results in a good new vision. Meanwhile I’m working on a new vision for myself.
So that I’m ready for my next real job.
Whatever it turns out to be.
And I’ll keep you up to date on how that goes.