OK, so this has been a couple of weeks coming. Walked straight into a major stress event at work. Stress is not my friend. In general or in terms of trying to fix the issue at hand. I was hanging on by the tips of my fingers (at least that’s how it felt) and didn’t feel like investing the energy in blogging.
That’s good and bad.
The good is that I was focused on dealing with the “issues” and actually managed to handle them. Not fix them but keep them in a reasonable position of … whatever. The bad news is that I still packed on a few pounds. At the same time I’ve managed to drop several of them again. So the end result number at the bottom isn’t good but it’s not as bad as it was.
At the moment I’m back and focused on this. I said in the last post that I was going to talk about running a 5k race. Five years ago I was training to do just that. I needed a new goal, something that was going to push me. So despite my long-standing hatred for running, I started training. And I was doing very well. The moment that still stands out to me was standing on Third St in Jamestown, looking up hill on Pine. It’s a standard city block but it’s fairly steep. For reasons that I can not explain, I took off running up that hill. When I got to the top I wasn’t breathing hard. I have never been an athlete in my life. Never. All I could imagine was that this is how it felt to be “in shape”. Let me tell you, it felt good. Really, really good.
I never ran that 5k. In October, just weeks before the event I had a stroke. That item on my bucket list got shoved way down the line again. A month or so ago I was thinking about that stroke. I remembered the terrible physical fragility I felt afterwards. It was such a horrible shock after feeling so strong. Then I remembered the lingering mental fragility that hung around for a couple of years. All those parts of that stroke have been left behind. There was just one thing left.
There is a part of me that is terrified that it will all happen again. I was given a complete clean bill of health. Told that being in such good shape probably helped minimize the damage. Told to go back to living the life I’d had before the stroke. I’ve managed to do most of that. The only left behind is that last fear.
It’s time to survive that too.
So I’m training to help me get in better shape. I’m racing to finally put an end, five years later, to my stroke.
I’ve registered and paid money to run. Bought new insoles for my running shoes.
I’m going to do this. I have to do this. I will do this.
My resolution remains :
want to am going to be The Guy again. The Guy weighed 175 pounds and looked good and felt good. And his blood pressure was good and his blood tests were good. (New photo of The Guy)
Watch my activity at my Fitbit page
Most recent time/distance – 15:45/ 1.12 miles (14:01/mile pace)
The next milestone is getting back below 195. I will get there and go on.
Official Weigh In Weight
Weight Change this week – +1.6 pounds
Total Weight Loss To Date – +0.4 pounds
Goal Weight and Total to Lose – 175/25