I need to acknowledge what’s going on this week.
There is something lurking in my heart and mind that I have been trying to ignore. This past week, however, it forced its way into the discussion. I had a completely unproductive week as an unemployed person looking for a new job. Time to name the cause for that.
There is a part of my personality that believes. Believes that I will find work. Believes that I have the skills, the experience and the attitude that an employer wants. That we will survive, as we always have.
But there’s a part of my brain that is afraid. I go into this job search hearing report after report about how hard it is to be unemployed after 50. Afraid because my career track has been, um, non-standard. And for the first time my plan (always subject to change, but the plan at the moment) does NOT include moving to a new place. We like it here, we want to stay here.
The fear got the better of me this week.
It didn’t help that I started the week with my first turn down on a job. It was a long shot, not really a job I wanted, and I know perfectly well it is only the first of many. A perfectly normal part of the process.
But the fear jumped on it.
So I name my opponent. In shining a light on it I remind myself of how small a thing it really is. Fear takes the tiniest thread and pretends to weave something grand and complex out of it. I’m not buying it.
So I will keep my head up, my eyes open, my heart strong.
Waiting to see the next chapter in my life.
Whatever it turns out to be.
And I’ll keep you up to date on how that goes.